Medli's Flying Lessons
by IceCake
Summary: Let's face it,Medli is the worst flier EVER.Let's read her diaries as insanity creeps in! Oh, heck YES it's back.
1. Day one through day Build A Bear

Medli's Flying Lessons I t'nod nwo adleZ.

-  
Day one: Okay,let's admit it .Everyone knows I am the worst flier in the history of flying .And since there's really nothing left to do in the Earth Temple ,I decided to go back to Dragon Roost to get a job.  
I wanted to be a mail carrier. Simple, right?  
WRONG.  
Obviously, I am too poor a flier to be an effective mail carrier.Therefore, I have been sent to the Forest Haven to train. Let's see how that goes. We start tomorrow.

Day two:OWOWOWOWOW. Today, my trainer, Hoskit, made me use some Baba Buds to reach the top crown of the Dead Deku Tree. That doesn't sound too bad, until you realize YOU'VE GOT TO FLY ALL THE WAY DOWN! Picture this: You are THE worst flier in the history of flying, and are standing on a bunch of crumbly leaves. Crumbly leaves THAT ARE 700 FEET IN THE AIR! And you've got to fly all the way down. Sound simple now?  
Yeah, I managed to keep flapping until I was about FORTY FEET FROM THE GROUND! THAT STILL HURT! Hoskit said I was lucky to be alive. I'll show you lucky to be alive...

Day three: Well, today wasn't so bad. Hoskit made me fly to Forbidden Woods. Wait, that IS so bad. I was a hundred feet in the air, and I had to fly seven hundred more feet.I fell into the sea a lot. I lost count at seven.

Day Winnie-the-Pooh:  
Well, Hoskit threw out the calender so I can't tell. I'm just going to make stuff up. I had to do the Deku-Tree-Fly-or-Die test again. I was still tired because he basically woke me up at three in the morning.  
But I still managed to keep flapping to thirty-nine feet. W00T! I enchanced by a foot! Why do they call them feet anyway? I think Valoo said something about Daphnes Nohansen Hyrule, who I shall from now on I will refer to as Guy-With-Really-Crappy-Name, having a foot that was twelve inches long. I think the other was four inches long. I'm not sure though. If that is the case, why don't they call one foot two feet and have it be sixteen inches long? I wish I had a foot that was sixteen inches long. Then I could kick Komali for trying to flirt with me.

Day Build-a-Bear:  
Today I got a day off. Kewl. So today, I can work on my new dictionary. Maybe I could revolutionize speech. For example;  
Cool would be kewl too/two/to-2 tata for now-ttfn see you later-c u l8r hi-h6e4l69l8o mr jones c?evrything wud b so much clerer n simplr n stuf.n thayr wud b no captls.

-  
It for now I NEED SUGGESTIONS!Please R&R. 


	2. Day Pumpkin through Day  M&Ms

Medli's Flying Lessons Disclaimer:NO Zelda owning for me.WAH!

Day Pumpkin pie:  
Once, in the Earth Temple, I was exploring, and I met a ReDead. Now, I've never liked ReDeads, not only for their poor choice of earrings but for the fact everyone we met tried to drink my poor Linky's brain fluids! And mine, too. Link says that's probably the cause of my slowly spreading insanity.Huh.In-san-it-y.That's a funny word.  
So you can see how surprised I was when he told me his name was Ralph and offered me chocolates! So Ralph and I were friends. He asked me how I survived. I told him one thing;Moblin meat goes bad FAST. He asked me if I had killed one named Ted, and it turned out I had! Ralph said he hated Ted anyway. Then he showed me how to file my teeth to a point, scream like an elephant, and sleep standing up. So anyway, Ralph came today. I was so surprised! Hoskit mainly hid behind a rock. I don't see why. Ralph is so friendly!

Day M&Ms:  
Ralph is still here. He told me what happened to Georiga,this Poe. She's friends with me too. Ralph, Georgia and I would tease those stupid Moblins.That Moblin's so stupid, it...eats...pie! Wait, I eat pie...Oh well. Hoskit is still behind the rock.

-  
Sorry this was short, I was in a rush. R&R! 


	3. Day ChuChuDay sell me something with C

Medli's Flying Lessons

It's BACK by popular demand. Uh, not so so popular demand. Uh, by three people's demand. Anyway. Enjoy.  
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Day ChuChu:

I don't know what happened to Hoskit. I looked behind his rock and I found a leg bone. Ralph burped a lot today. I wonder why.

Any way, the Haven has recently been invaded by Floormasters. I talked to one, he said he was here on legitimate business to take over the world, mumbled something something about french fries, and then dragged me down his tunnel.

It was cold and dark and slimy and squishy in there, just like the Floormaster tunnels in the Earth Temple. I got caught like five times there. I think it was because I didn't listen to Link whenever he yelled, "MEDLI YOU RETARD DON'T JUMP IN THE BLUE FOGGY PIT OF DOOM!" There were like, nine hundred Floormasters down there, the whole thing was really interesting. Then I got caught.

Anyway again, I wound up in a room full of CANDY! Plus there was a giant angler fish, my worst nightmares manifested into my Aunt June, a walking Ocarina of Time cart, and some guy who kept yelling, "SELL ME SOMETHING WITH C! ANYTHING WITH C!" It got annoying, but I made friends with the OoT cart. It's name was Phil.

Day Sell me Something with C Guy:

Today A Floormaster dragged in a guy with a music box. He kept saying, "Goaroundgoaroundgoaroungoaround". I'm starting to hate this place.  
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It for now, bye! 


	4. Day Peanut Butter Jelly Time Through day

Medli's Flying Lesson

Oh, thanks for the reviews! I love you guys!  
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Day Peanut Butter Jelly Time:

Phil won't talk to me anymore. The music box guy still says nothing except for "Goaroundgoaroundgoaroundgoaround". The heap of candy is going stale, and it was only those annoying,  
bottom-of-the-Halloween-bag crappy generic chocolate with almonds. AT LEAST get a name brand, people. The Sell me something with C Guy is asleep. The diet soda fountain works at least.

I'm going to try and break out tomorrow. 

Day Prison Break:

I tried to escape today.

And failed miserably.

I aimed for one of the tunnel exits, but wound bashing into... A bunch of stale blueberry muffins. THE CEILING IS MADE OF MUFFINS! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!?

Well anyway, the music box guy stopped singing his crazy chant long enough to tell an interesting story, which goes like this;

" Once once once,

once once once,

onnnncee,

there was a guy,

dreeeessed in green,

and he had, and he had,

some kind of messed up flute,

some kind of messed up flute.

DA DA DA, DA DA DA,

DAA DA DA DA DA DA DA,

DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAA!

Well anyway, well anyway,  
on his messed up flute,

he played a song,

he played a song.

DA DA DA, DA DA DA,

DAA DA DA DA DA DA DA

DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAA!

And it,

and it,

screwed up the windmill,

something awful,

something awful,

DA DA DA, DA DA DA,

DAA DA DA DA DA DA DA

DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAA!

And it caused, and it caused,  
a weird paradox,

a weird paradox,

a weeeeird paradox,

aaaaa weeeeird paradox,  
a weird paradox,

DA DA DA, DA DA DA,

DAA DA DA DA DA DA DA

DA DA DA DA DA DA DAAA!

And-then-some-guy-came-and-made-me-immortal-so-I-can plague-generations-with-my-annoying-story,

DA DA DA DA DAAAAA!"

It was... Interesting.

Day:OOBLEOOBLEOOBLEOOB!

OOBLEOOBLEOOBLEOOBLEOOOOB!

IT'S I, DA SKULLKID! SKULLKID IN DA HOOOOOOUSE! LET MY DAWGZ ON DIS SIDE GIMME A HEEEEY! AND LET MY DAWGZ ON DIS SIDE GIMME A WHAAAAT!  
ALL TOGETHA NOW HEY WHAT?! SK IN DA HOUSE YA'LL DAWGZ, '07, PEACE OUT.

Day What The Crackmonkey?:

SkullKid just invaded my diary. Yeah, he got dragged in by a Floormaster. He speaks only in horrible sterotyped rapper slang. He keeps saying he'll use the powers of some wooden mask to get us out... Let's see how that goes.

Phil still won't talk to me.

-  
It for now! R&R YA'LL!

Day 


	5. Day SkullKid through day No More Mask

Medli's Flying Lessons

YAY! Chappie five!

--------------------------------

Day SkullKid was Right:

Today, I was hanging around, minding my own business, using a pictograph of Komali as a dartboard, when BOOM! There was this insane laughing, and this cool flash of light, and suddenly SkullKid was wearing this freaky looking multicoloured mask. Then he ran around in circles foaming and ranting about some crazed fruit loop Deku Scrub before finally stopping and LEVITATING OUT OF THE ROOM! YEAH! He helped us too of course. He said I could borrow his mask tomorrow. COOL!

Day hfgfldso:

FIVE PLUS FIVE EQUALS FISH! ADOOBLEDOOBLEDOOBLEDOOBLE DOODLEBOPS! OLD MCDONALD'S HAD A FARM, QDRTY! AND ON THAT FARM HE HAD A KLAM! COCONUT, COCONUT IN A TREE, NEXT WON'T YOU SING WITH ME! EKUL, I MA RUOY REHTAF! NAC UOY DEAR SIHT? WOOT!

Day No More Mask:

I was possessed by the mask yesterday.

Well anyway, I was attacked by a giant fluffy kitten today. Except it morphed into a giant robot. But then it turned into a stuffed carebear and levitated away.

---------------------------------------------

That's all for now! Sorry for shortness!

P.S. I do take suggestions. If you're going to review, please put in an idea for what should happen. 


	6. Day PotterHarry through Day Portkey

Medli's Flying Lessons

FINALLY, I'M BACK! Yay!

Also, this will contain some cameos from other authors. If you want a cameo, lemme know!  
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Day PotterHarry:

Today I went back to Dragon Roost Island. I still suck at flying, so I hitchhiked there. Or rather, screamed at the top of my lungs until some disgruntled Bokoblin prirate shows up. After sailing five feet, he'd dump me back me back into the water and I'd have to shout again. It took a while.

Annnnyways, I wound up back at Dragon Roost (eventually). I was so happy to see everyone there! They were happy to see me too, but they pretendend not to be by muttering stuff like,  
"Miss Slacker Supreme is back" or "Why hello, lazy butt" or sometimes "The charbroiled carcass of a giraffe mixed with ground Bulborb beef and placed in soup makes a succulent yet subtle appetizer" under their breath, but I know they're just kidding.

Well guess what, my dearest of dear dears dearest to me darling wonderful endearing dear diary? Link was there too! He showed me these novels he had been reading called Harry Potter.  
He let me read some of them, they were all autographed by someone named MuffieMaster. I asked Link who that was, but he just shrugged and said he'd picked up the novels at a garage sale. He's a real garage sale junkie. I wonder what a garage is.

Well after I insulted his mother Link did something mean. He hit me with all the books! However Quill says it's fine, the concussion's wearing off already and the swelling should be gone by Thursday. But I am feeling really sleepy now so...

Day Portkey:

Today Link showed me this nasty old wig. I asked why he was showing me this, and he told me it was a portkey! I haven't read to The Goblet Of Fire, but apparently if you touch a portkey,  
in this case the nasty old wig, you could transport somewhere else. He said authors could use it to make cameos. Other than that... Nothing.

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R&R! Nobody reads these anyways. So... Question authority! Eat more chocolate! E.T. Is the worst game ever! Well maybe not worse than the Zelda CD-Is, NIntendo's Biggest Mistakes,  
but... 


	7. Day THERE'S A LOT

Medli's Flying Lessons

It is back from beyond the freakin' grave! Enjoy.

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Day NoIDon'tWantToStuckToThisPerson:

Today, as I was trying to flush myself down the toilet, I was arrested. Apparently eating cacti and then rotating counterclockwise under the full moon is considered a serious crime in many soverign states. As a punishment, I was chained to Link for three whole days. It is the first day, and Link is already having involuntary eyebrow twitches. I do that to people.

Day Creepy:

Link here. I have just read through Medli's diary and this chick (pun intended) is messed UP. She is completely insane. I should send her to a looney bin but the phone book is gone so I can't find any. Maybe the damage isn't permanent, maybe she just needs a whack on the head, or a bit more fresh air, something. I've got to keep an eye on how this progresses.  
I'll sneak her diary every day.

Day LinkChain 2:

This is the second day of being handcuffed to Link. I noticed he made an entry. That dosen't matter cause I don't really have anything important in here... He says he needs to watch how this "progresses". Huh? Pro..Gress... Haha, funny word.

I really need the bathroom.

Day I'm Back:

Hey, day 2 of being stuck to this freak of nature. I don't think I can stand this mess much longer. At least I'm halfway done...

Day LinkChain 3:

YES! FINALLY! It's over! I'm free! I'm going to Windfall to celebrate. Beedle has agreed to take me, but I have to pay the 90 Rupee ticket. Oh well, I've got a few hundred Rupees in the Windfall bank, no need to worry. Link is coming along too, says I need an eye kept on me. It's almost like I'm being watched.

Day Spleen:

I see Link has stopped making entries, which is a good thing, it was wasting page space. Come to think of it, he has kind of nice handwriting.  
We just got to Windfall early this morning, Beedle's ship can go a lot faster when it's got to.Talking of Beedle, his nose is pretty big. I wonder if he's related to us Ritos?  
We went to the cafe, (Link and me, not Beedle) and got some scones and Chai tea. Link got coffee, actually, but he says he dosen't trust me with caffiene. What's caffiene? Sounds fun.  
Afterwards, I rented a room above the cafe and Link rented a room above Lenzo's shop. I think I will stay here for a while, there is a job opening at the potion shop and I studied under a physician once. I got the job by the way, yayzers. Link's got a job snapping photos for Lenzo, means he'll be out a lot. Odd they'll let us work when we're both around 12. 

I wonder where Phil's gotten to, I'm lonely. 


	8. Day Snowman to Day Safari

Medli's Flying Lessons

Yay! I'm not dead! I'M BACK! PH34R THE BACKNESS! PH34R IT! Oh and um, shout out to MuffieMaster, who helped me write this chap.

Day Snowman:  
Wow.

Okay, yesterday I went to sleep like normal... But when I woke up, I was in this store with a big sign that said "Bed, Bath and Beyond". Link was there too. And Komali. Great.  
We were all pretty confuzzled and none of us had any idea how we got there. But when the PA came on, it ALL BECAME CLEAR. I quote,

"Welcome my little characters. Consider the fourth wall broken, shattered, stomped on, and set on fire.  
" I suppose you wonder why you are here. Well, you see, I put you here to entertain the Readers. I am the glorious Authoress, and you are inside a present-day American shopping mall. Of course it is closed. No one is in here, except ReDeads. Lots of ReDeads. Luckily however, Ralph is among them, so you should be relatively safe.  
There are food rations in, of course, the food court, but I have taken the liberty of getting them out for you. Now, LEEME 'LONE! BACK TO NARUTO!"

So obviously, Komali made a beeline for the food court without a second thought. Link agreed to go find him before he inhaled all the food while I looked for a map, Ralph,  
or, failing Ralph, some kind of weapon.

Well, I found the map but not Ralph or the weapon. Stupid map. It's all plastic and standy-uppy. It took me forever to pull it out of the floor. And it's HEAVY!

I couldn't find Bed, Bath and Beyond, but I did find an elevator, which I am now going to sleep in. Come to think of it, maybe I could use the map AS a weapon. Yeah.  
Night, Diary.. Yaaawn...

Day Safari:

Today I found Bed, Bath, and Beyond again. Link and Komali were there. They moved most of the rations to here. We've named B,B and B as our kinda-sorta base.  
This entry is no longer funny, so funny I shall make it:

Um, bupkes. And meatballs? But only spicy meatballs. Yes. Spicy meatballs are Luke's father.

Yay! Do you like it? HUH? Do ya do ya do ya do ya do ya do ya huh? R&R! 


	9. Day Splice

Medli's Flying Lessons

Yay! Begone, writer's block! Away, foul beast from the netherworld!

Day Splice:

Today, I am writing inside Bed, Bath and Beyond. Obviously. ReDeads are sieging us. They already took Komali to the place of no come-backy.

HAHAHA! Really had ya there, didn't I, diary? No, seriously, the Authoress let us out of the mall today. She said it was time for another plot change. We're in her thoughts now. It's really messed up, like the Floormaster place but worse. Weird quotes come flying out of nowhere and E.T. and an angler fish are beating Hannah Montana with a half-eaten burrito while screaming, "DIE, FREAK! DIE YOU SHALLOW POP-MUSIC BRAINWASHING LEECH!" And the words "Shun the nonbeliever! Shuuuunnnnn!" keep being screamed in a prissy unicorn voice. Komali's already snapped and

AHUHAHAUHAHUHUHAA! IT IS I! THE MOST OBSCURE OF NINTENDO CHARACTERS! ONE OF THOSE BUGS FROM THAT ONE GAME THAT WAS NEVER RELEASED! Muahahahahahahaha..ha..haa..haaaa.. cough choke gag...

WHOA! Hey, me again diary. Some freakish bug thing just stole you. I gotta get OUT of here... I probaably will tomorrow, HINT HINT...

Uh, yeah... That was a post of absolute sheer randomness. I needed to make up for a little randomness I had skipped before.

Oh, lookit mah nuu wunshot, Laundry Day! Ignore the title iz pretty pretty gewd! 


	10. An update at last

Medli's Flying Lessons

...Least I'm not totally dormant.

--

Day Floppy:

Well, we didn't get out today like I strongly hinted. It was another day of insanity. I can describe today only in a long paragraph with no periods. Ready? GO!

Okay we woke up like normal and we had to keep Komali in one of those squishy yellow rooms the other Ritos tried to put me in once but I got out by pouring cleaner on the mattress thingies hahaha anyway we couldn't find any of those so we asked the angler fish and she said to go jump in a lake so we did and at the bottom there was one of those squishy yellow rooms so we put Komali in there and then there was an atomic bomb test and we got blown into oblivion which is a pretty nice place by the way they have good fried chicken and then Naruto appeared and said "Dattebayo" over and over and over and over and over and Hannah Montana came and started singing in her nails in a chalkboard voice and she was covered in burrito cheese and she and Naruto started rapping about Italian keyboards and then the world imploded.

So we're back here in the Authoress' thoughts.

Day Deformed Pencil:

Not much happened today so I will just ramble.

Whales are fun. Whales are good. Do you know they have one foot of blubber? That's like a coat, only yellow and mushy and inside your skin. Your skiiiiiiiiiiinnnn. Your skkkiiiinnn. Skin is fun to say. Skin skin skin skin skin skin skin skin... Why do they call it skin? And a skinner box. That wasn't for skinning. Right? Maybe the Great-great-great-great grandpa skinned stuff, which is why his last name became Skinner. If your last name was Carpenter you probably have a relative who was a carpenter. Same if your name was Planter. And if your last name was Hop-up-and-down-on-one-foot-and-rub-cocoa-butter-on-your-face-erson, than you probably have a relative.. whatever. Night diary.

--

There, an update. Finally. Now 'leemee lone! (Not really) 


	11. Day Teacups to Day Boredom

Medli's Flying Lessons

Heck yeah it's back.

Day Upside down Teacups:

We are not in IceCake's thoughts anymore. It's like before; I just went to sleep, and woke up somewhere else. This time, I am back in the Great Sea, only I am with a Goron merchant. His name is Zack. I don't like him much. He doesn't pay much attention to me. It MAY have something to do with the fact that he is currently being eaten by a sea monster, but I think he just doesn't like me.

Day Snowstorm:

Today Zack said stuff like "You apparently have magical powers, why didn't you help me" or "Sea monsters are WEIRD". I still don't like him. He only has baked beans to eat. We are going to Mother and Child Isles from here soon - we are at Greatfish now. I wonder where Ralph is. Or Link, for that matter. I yelled and tried to ask IceCake where he was. She yelled at me to let her not update. Zack looked at me weird, then just shook his head.

Day Sheer Boredom:

We are not at Mother & Child Isles yet, I am really bored. I want Ralph or Link to come and be entertaining. I want IceCake to update more often. 


	12. Day spiders

Medli's Flying Lessons TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Day Spiders:

This is going to be a long entry. I haven't written in a while. We're not at Mother and Child Isles yet, but that's because we're shipwrecked.  
So partly cause I need to catch up, and partly because of the milk cartons that watch me day and night...

It all started about 2 weeks ago, when there was this huge storm. Our raft was sunk, but we clung to some wreckage and floated to a deserted island that had some berries and fresh water on it. Zack made some fish nets out of vines, so we have fish too- we make fires by banging rocks together. I think I could be a proper castaway. But Zack always grumbles about me mot pulling my own weight. That's odd. I don't see any weight that needs pulling. Also he sometimes kicks me in the shins. Maybe it's just me, but Zack doesn't seem to like me much.

After a couple days the milk cartons came. They came slowly at first, vanishing, hovering, vanishing again. Zack said he couldn't see them muttering about something called schizophrenia. But I"m sure the milk cartons are real. They seem to be crying out for help too. One introduced herself to me. Her name is Margeret.

Anyway, Margeret told me she knows where Ralph is! And Georgia too!... Georgia, remember? I mentioned her once WAY at the beginning. Anyway, Margeret says she can take me to see Ralph and Georgia - I will know my destiny then. But she says first I have to find a Useless Relic, somewhere on the island. So finding the Useless Relic is my mission for now!

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTt

Yeah, just one entry, but it is long-ish. Seeya! 


	13. Soapy soap

Medli's Flying Lessons

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Day Soap-on-a-Rope:

Today, I found the useless relic. It was under Zack's campfire. He yelled at me about the fact that it had taken him forever to build that fire or something, but anyway, I have the relic. Zack sort of knocked me out but I woke up right after. Then Margeret appeared and told me to put the relic in a hot 70's dance pose. So I did. Then I got warped to a weird place full of wood chips. Margeret said it was inside a pencil sharpener. Ralph was there! Georgia too! I was so happy to see them. So Georgia told me about what she had been doing, which was hanging around the Earth Temple waiting for someone to possess. She still played tricks on the Moblins but it just wasn't the same. After a while she got a letter from Ralph telling her to come here. Supposedly Ralph had left to travel the world shortly after I left the temple. Then he happened upon the Forest Haven while I was training there. According to my vampire-zombie friend, after I was kidnapped by Floormasters, he looked for me, didn't find me, and receoved a brochure about here. So he headed in this direction. After making home here, he sent for Georgia. He thought of me, but he didn't know where I was. Fortunately, Margeret happened to live here. Ralph asked her to look for me. She found me, of course,  
but couldn't bring me here alone. Only the power of the useless relic could. And now, here I am! It is so much fun here. There's a pool and a foosball table and a midget who lives under your bed. I hung out with Ralph and Georgia all day. I raced Ralph in the pool. I always won, but maybe that is because ReDeads sort of sink to the bottom of the water despite their hollowness and shamble around muttering and then elephant screaming when they see you. Dinner was fun and nonexistant. At bedtime, my midget sung me to sleep with songs mostly just containing the words "Someday....Soon, someday....Soon....".

Day Soap-on-a-Wagon Wheel:

Guess what? A letter just arrived in the mail! Guess what else? It's from Link! Here, I've glued the letter onto your pages.

Dear Medli,

HELP! IceCake is subjecting me to all kinds of villainous torture! I'm being held captive in her attic. However, one night I managed to break out without waking anyone... And found the front door locked. ARGH! But, I browsed through her computer and found out where you are. I would have written to Tetra for help, due to the fact that she is a pirate, but apparently IceCake hasn't written anything about her... So, you're my only hope. I don't have much time. Come help!

- Link

It's too bad I don't get to spend much time here, but duty calls. I depart tomorrow! 


End file.
